Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Mikey's Wisdom and Wit

As Mikey shares his wisdom and wit I am going to post them here. These are such special treasures.

March 21, 2014: Impending doom (insert dramatic music here) sucks but life without living sucks more. Stop and smell the damn roses. Compliment a clerk on her hair or nails. Learn to play guitar and write a song about dog farts. Take an epileptic friend to church and see if a revival breaks out. Send a trophy to every child you know that says how awesome they are. (Google it, trophies are not expensive.) If you go to a big church that doesn't need your money then use that 10% at the grocery store, you can pay your tithes at the shelter. If you're a racist like me then make a commitment not to pass that foolishness on to the next generation. Your life will never be complete until you've sung at least 1 karaoke song. Fly a Ugandan or Albanian flag at your house just to confuse your neighbors. Adopt something. Take a nap when you need one. In fact I think I zzzzzzzzzzzz

March 19, 2014: A new Mikey profundity. "A man that stands alone facing adversity without compromising and looks death in the eye without flinching is considered strong and is deeply respected. If that same man has someone by his side throughout all of his adversities and he can look death in the eye with the support of people that will love and support him to the end then he is a man to be envied." Now that I'm actually facing adversity and death I find that I would rather be envied than respected. I love you Robin.

March 18, 2014: My confession : I haven't confronted anyone about this but I have to say that I have a low opinion of those of you that don't consider loyalty, duty, honor, friendship, and love to be a part of the core of yourself.

March 2, 2014: Wisdom from the guy whose meds are kicking in :
If you have any questions about anything at all then you need to get them to me as soon as you can because these new pills I'm taking are giving me the answers to absolutely anything and everything. Take advantage of my new-found brilliance before my prescription changes.
Wisdom ensues :
If you consider yourself to be "assertive and confident" but everyone else just thinks you're an asshole there's a better than average chance that you're an asshole. Sorry about that.
Diamonds are expensive but pearls are precious. I don't know why I made that distinction but it must be important. Maybe someone will explain it to me.
Eat every flounder you can find. Those critters have made a mockery of physiological bilateralism and are confusing as heck. They deserve the fact that they're delicious.
It's acceptable to encourage obnoxious tourists to feed seagulls. (Bird poo is funny when you're not the one trying to get it out of your hair) Educate the nice people that are just visiting though. We like those guys.
If you make a donation to any animal shelter you will be a better person than you've ever been before. (Think about it, there's some cool profundity there...)
The next time a cashier is rude to you don't get your feelings hurt. Just say "Is it purple in here or is it just me? Seriously I need pennies." That's not productive or clever or funny but it has the potential to give somebody something to talk about when they get home. It's always nice to have something to talk about.

Feb 27, 2014: Dementia is awesome. You can look someone straight in the eye and say "Those damn green ducks are driving me crazy. They're chewing up my couch, always changing the channel without asking and barking at the sun all night. Can I borrow your shotgun?" and whoever you're talking to suddenly becomes a stutterer. Hehehehehehehe I have a fun disease.

Feb 23, 2014: Go do something that causes you to have tan lines in weird places. Spend time with the oldest person you know, as much time as you can. Cherry pie filling is the best invention in history. Watch Bugs Bunny and Jimmy Stewart. Find a way to feed somebody that's hungry. Give money to an animal shelter but not if they have tarantulas. Tarantulas are creepy.

Feb 17, 2014: Apparently this thing I've got isn't just taking my memory, it's going to kill me too. As in worm food, stone cold, "Weekend at Bernie's", meeting my ancestors dead. That sucks for me, right? The prognosis is 2-7 years from onset and it's been 2 years so far. I'm in the process of dying and it looks like it's going to be sooner than I would have wanted or expected. I'm posting this on FB because there are some of you that I won't ever get to see again and others that I will never have the pleasure to meet. I want to thank you for your friendship and for the love and laughs you've given me. These are my last wishes for you :
(1) Eat a big chocolate sundae. (2) Adopt an ugly cat. (3) Call your mom for no reason. (4) Don't stop singing when a car pulls up next to you (5) Take pride in your drive and determination to do well in your career but place much more value on love, family, and charity. (6) Join forces with PTSD/Substance Abuse - Soldiers Seeking Safety (7) Take care of Robin for me, please.
I love ya'll. Don't take anything too seriously, be good to yourself and everyone else and have an awesome life. I'm gonna go fishing.

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