I would give anything to have my husband back. He was THE one. A once in a lifetime love. It took me a few tries and then giving up completely before we found each other. I had to find myself and learn I didn't need someone in my life. To find my own personal strength. In the years before I met him I found that not having a man in my life did not make me less of a person. When God felt the time was right for both of us we met.
It will be 3 weeks this Sunday since he passed. Not even a full month. He still fills every moment of my thoughts. I still feel that I will wake up and he will be here. That none of this is real.
I still consider myself happily married. I wear my ring and his on my left hand. To clue anyone unknowing into what a ring on the the left ring finger means: MARRIED-NOT SINGLE. Also known as BACK OFF! I also plan on staying married until MY death and I meet my husband again.
What I do not want to hear is that someday I will change my mind. Or I shouldn't feel that way because I have so much to offer. Or I should be single and enjoy it.
Do not assume that I am weak and NEED a man in my life. Do not think I am easy prey because I just lost my husband. This disgusts me. It makes my grief deeper. It makes me angry. I did not need a man in my life when I got married. I simply loved him and WANTED him in my life.
Surely you big, tough, strong men know the difference between need and want? Need is a necessity. Want is something we can live without.
A man in my life is not necessary and I do not want one.
Am I making myself clear yet?
Why am I ranting? Because since my husband's passing on February 8 (today is February 26) FIVE men have felt it was okay to ask me about my status of being single (which I am not) or ask me out to lunch, dinner, coffee, etc. This is not okay.
The answer is a resounding NO NO NO!!!!
Beyond that, it was completely and totally inappropriate. How dare you? Each and every one of them has now alienated a long standing friendship with me. And how dare you disrespect Mikey that way? Anyone that knows me knows that is the WRONG way to get on my good side. Have you not noticed how I will stand alone against an Army and fight. Literally.
You have no chance with me. I am not a conquest. Go away and hang your head in shame. Why would you even want to try to live up to what I had with Mikey? No one stands a chance to do that.
I have so many thoughts about these widow predators racing through my mind I can't even get them all out without sounding even more scattered.
Here is some advice though. If a woman that just lost the love of her life is in mourning (and no one knows how long that will last) do not hit on her in any way shape or form. Blatantly or by innuendo. Either way is wrong.
|10 years later.|
Even in planning Mikey's passing and my future a man never entered the picture. I do have plans. I have a mission. No where in my plan includes another man to take care of. That plan also includes having his ashes turned into a diamond that will be worn on my left ring finger. He will always be near me. Always.
To the real gentlemen out there. Thank you for your kindness. For lending a hand when needed. For respecting both Mikey and myself. For not thinking I am weak because I need my dishwasher fixed. Thank you for getting doors, and carrying bags. Thank you for knowing a ring on my left ring finger means I am married.